Chapter Forty-Eight
In the inner chamber, on the bed, Bai Ren remained in the same position as when Qi Xiao had slammed the door and left—curled up with his back turned to the outside of the bed. His already frail frame looked even more pitiful. Qi Xiao clenched his fists. He had bound Bai Ren here for nearly two hours now...
Qi Xiao removed his cloak and slowly approached. Bai Ren, hearing him come, slowly closed his eyes, saying nothing.
Qi Xiao's eyes were red-rimmed. He sat on the bed and slowly gathered Bai Ren into his arms, turning him over. Bai Ren half-opened his eyes and said quietly, "If you have such intentions, you might as well just kill me... Or I'll bite my tongue and end it myself. I won't endure this humiliation."
Qi Xiao shut his eyes, saying nothing. He simply slowly tied the life talisman he had been clutching all along around Bai Ren's waist.
Bai Ren, though a hostage, had been raised in luxury and treated with the utmost respect since childhood. Never in his life had he suffered such indignity. Today, bound for hours, his heart had grown cold—and he'd even entertained thoughts of ending his life. Because of that deal they had made, he had stopped avoiding physical closeness with Qi Xiao. Later, harboring different feelings, he'd become even more open. Though they had never consummated their relationship, Bai Ren had already made peace with it. In ordinary times, he might have gone along with it. But after today's quarrel, he simply could not bring himself to submit. When Bai Ren felt Qi Xiao fiddling with something at his waist, he looked up—and his eyes immediately went red with panic. Suddenly he understood everything. Qi Xiao knew.
Bai Ren felt both shame and fury. He fiercely tried to roll away, but his strength was no match for Qi Xiao's to begin with, and his hands and feet were bound. How could he possibly break free? Furious and desperate, Bai Ren shouted, "Let go of me! If you don't want it, just throw it away! Let go—let go of me!!"
Qi Xiao pressed his thin lips together tightly, lashing the life talisman firmly around Bai Ren's waist. Only after securing it did he lift his head to look at Bai Ren, saying nothing. One hand pressed down on Bai Ren to keep him still while the other moved to untie the bindings. Bai Ren's face flushed crimson. He had only dared to pass it off as an ordinary jade pendant and gift it to Qi Xiao because no one here knew what a life talisman looked like. He was by nature reserved, never letting his emotions show on his face. Now, exposed like this, and under such circumstances, he wished he could dash his head against a wall. He thrashed about continuously. It took Qi Xiao considerable effort to free his hands and feet. The moment he was unbound, Bai Ren immediately tried to remove the jade from his waist, but his hands had been bound too long—he had not an ounce of strength left. Qi Xiao watched Bai Ren, eyes red, hands trembling as he tried to remove the life talisman. It felt as if a blunt blade were being twisted in his heart, the pain slicing through him.
Qi Xiao stepped forward, pulling Bai Ren into his embrace, pressing down on his arms to keep him from moving further. His voice hoarse, he said, "Don't take it off. Don't..."
Bai Ren, humiliated and furious, was like a young beast cornered. Decorum and dignity forgotten, he used hands and feet alike, thrashing violently. Qi Xiao did not strike back, did not argue back. He simply held Bai Ren tightly, unable to find words—for he had always been able to hold his own in debate—but could only repeat, "Don't take it off. Don't take it off..."
Bai Ren was not a woman. Though his strength was slight, the punches he landed on Qi Xiao were real. Qi Xiao grunted, holding Bai Ren as if his life depended on it, burying his face in the crook of Bai Ren's neck as he said quietly, "Hit me if you're angry... Hit until you've vented..."
Bai Ren, hearing this, actually stopped. Qi Xiao, seeing that Bai Ren hadn't moved for a long while, raised his head to look—and found that, at some point, Bai Ren's face had become covered in tears.
His heart ached unbearably. Qi Xiao's voice broke, "You... direct your anger at me. Don't do this..."
Bai Ren's eyes were bloodshot. His voice cracked with sobs. "You hit me. You tied me up..."
Since arriving at the imperial capital, though Qi Xiao had schemed against him at times, more often than not he had been kind. From initial wariness to later devotion—Bai Ren had sensed that what existed between them was no longer just that original transaction. Today's upheaval had left him suddenly unable to trust anything. Rarely, he found himself missing home. Missing his mother.
Qi Xiao's heart felt as though it were shattering. He held Bai Ren close, ceaselessly soothing him. "I lost my head from worry just now. Let me check... Did the binding hurt you?" Qi Xiao pushed up Bai Ren's sleeve to examine his wrists. Even in his fury, Qi Xiao had exercised restraint. Fearing he might injure Bai Ren, he had used wide strips of cloth. Though there were red marks on Bai Ren's wrists, they were not bruised from the binding. Even so, it was enough to make Qi Xiao's heart ache. He wanted to find medicine, but was afraid that leaving Bai Ren alone would only make him feel more wronged. He had no choice but to call loudly for medicine to be brought to the doorway. At the word "medicine," Bai Ren's tears flowed even more freely. His face flushed with anger as he cried out, "You... you would let others see me like this..."
Qi Xiao, at a loss, had them leave the medicine at the entrance of the bedchamber. He retrieved it himself, warming it over the incense burner before carefully rubbing it into Bai Ren's wrists. Bai Ren's tears continued to fall. Once his hands had regained some strength, he shoved Qi Xiao away and reached again for the life talisman at his waist. Qi Xiao, miserable, caught him in his arms. "Don't闹... You're angry, take it out on me. Don't touch that, Bai Ren, Bai Ren!"
Bai Ren's breath came in uneven gasps. "I don't want it..."
Qi Xiao lowered his head and kissed Bai Ren's tear-streaked cheek repeatedly, cooing, "Don't闹... Be good. Today was my fault. I'll make it up to you, alright? You wear the life talisman I gave you, let this Qi Xiao bear whatever fate befalls you. Use this to punish me for being blind to right and wrong, for betraying your affection. Is that fair?"
"I don't need you to!"
Bai Ren's arms were pinned by Qi Xiao's embrace; he couldn't move. He bit down hard on Qi Xiao's shoulder. But Qi Xiao seemed not to feel it, softly soothing, "Don't be angry. Don't be angry..."
Though furious, Bai Ren still couldn't bring himself to truly hurt Qi Xiao. Soon he released his bite. The distress in his heart only grew. He cared so much for this man, yet Qi Xiao treated him so—flying into rages whenever he pleased, tying him up and leaving him here unattended, as if he were some common catamite!
Qi Xiao also understood what had Bai Ren so upset. He gently coaxed, "I only meant to call you here today to give you a scare, to warn you. I'm terrified you'll give the emperor some handle to use against you. My power isn't sufficient yet. I can't stand against him. If something happened to you, even if I gave everything I had, the best I'd get is mutual destruction. What would you have me do?!"
Before Bai Ren could speak, Qi Xiao苦涩地苦笑道, "My temper is bad, and I was already three parts angry. You deliberately tried to take this thing back. I lost control for a moment. Alright, alright, no more crying. In the end, it's all my fault. If you still have anger left, go ahead and bite me again. Is that fair?"
Bai Ren's eyes swam with tears. He sobbed quietly, "My arrangements... were very thorough. Nothing would have gone wrong..."
"I know, I know." Qi Xiao sighed softly. "But next time... you should tell me about such matters in advance. I'll handle it. Even if something goes wrong, that would be my responsibility..."
"What do you mean, 'next time'?!" Bai Ren stared at Qi Xiao fiercely. "We're done. Right now..."
Qi Xiao laughed despite himself, hastening to soothe, "Don't闹. If I break things off with you, where am I supposed to find another treasure like you? Alright, today was truly my fault. I apologize again. Your Highness, please—for the sake of a young man orphaned with no one to teach him—spare me this once. Is that fair?"
Bai Ren was about to argue further, but when he heard Qi Xiao bring up his fatherless, motherless situation, words failed him. His heart filled with grievance. He turned his head away, refusing to acknowledge Qi Xiao.
Qi Xiao sighed. Carefully, he gathered Bai Ren against him. "Still uncomfortable? Alright... Lie down. Let me check if your ankles are hurt."
Qi Xiao pulled over a soft pillow for Bai Ren to lean against. He sat on the bed and lifted Bai Ren's foot onto his own lap, rolling up the trouser leg to examine it carefully. Perhaps because Bai Ren had kicked so hard, the injury to his ankle was worse than those on his wrists. Qi Xiao's heart ached at the sight. He carefully applied medicine. Bai Ren, seizing the moment, reached again to remove the life talisman. Qi Xiao caught his hand,苦笑, "Bai Ren... be good..."
Bai Ren's eyes glistened with tears. Hoarse, he said, "I should... return it to you. If you don't like it, just throw it away. I... this was the first time I've ever given something like this to anyone. Having it thrown back at me like this... what kind of person does that make me..."
Qi Xiao looked at the purple bruise on Bai Ren's delicate ankle. Upon hearing these words, his own eyes reddened. He drew a long breath, turned, dipped more ointment into his fingers, rubbed it between his palms, and gently pressed it into Bai Ren's ankle. After a long moment, he said quietly, "Did you think... I was any different?"
Qi Xiao gently massaged the injured area, his voice rough. "Bai Ren, this is the first time I've ever fallen in love with someone. There are many things I still don't understand. I only follow my heart, wanting to be good to you. But sometimes... I inadvertently hurt you. Bai Ren, I dare not promise anything else. But something like today will never happen again."
Qi Xiao pulled his hand away, lowered his head, and pressed a kiss to Bai Ren's smooth ankle.
Bai Ren flinched as if burned, yanking his foot back sharply. But Qi Xiao acted as if nothing had happened, pulling Bai Ren's other leg over and rolling up the trouser leg to apply more ointment.
Bai Ren stared at Qi Xiao, his thoughts in turmoil. Then he looked at the life talisman firmly tied at his waist—and slowly, his anger began to ebb.
Bai Ren felt almost as if he had been delusional, had misheard. Qi Xiao had said... he loved him? Bai Ren had suspected Qi Xiao harbored some feelings, but never in his wildest dreams had he imagined Qi Xiao would actually say it out loud.
Soon the medicine was applied. Qi Xiao wiped his hands with a silk cloth, rose, and pressed a kiss to Bai Ren's forehead before turning to leave.
Bai Ren sat alone in the inner chamber, dazed. After a moment, he unconsciously curled his legs up and touched the spot where Qi Xiao had kissed him.
"Bai Ren..." Qi Xiao returned carrying a small food box, setting it beside the couch. He opened it and took out a bowl of bird's nest, saying quietly, "You didn't eat dinner either. You're probably still angry—forcing food down now would only hurt your stomach. Have some bird's nest congee first to line your stomach. I've given orders to the kitchen—the stove will stay lit tonight. Whenever you wake hungry in the night, they'll make something for you."
After all that tossing and turning, Bai Ren was faintly hungry. He took the bowl of congee and slowly ate it.
Bai Ren glanced at Qi Xiao. Hesitantly, he said quietly, "Dinner... you probably haven't eaten either, right? I saw there's a bowl of steamed egg in the box. You... eat some."
Qi Xiao paused. He moved closer, sitting beside Bai Ren, and softly tested, "Bai Ren... not angry with me anymore?"
Bai Ren turned his head away, setting the bowl on the side table. He抿了抿嘴唇 and said, "Today's matter... I was at fault too. From now on... let's just not mention it."
Qi Xiao's heart swelled with both relief and tenderness. He gently pulled Bai Ren into his arms, lowered his head, and pressed a deep kiss to his forehead. His voice heavy, he said, "No. We must mention it often. Every moment, to remind me..."
Bai Ren felt very awkward. He said quietly, "And this... I can't keep it on. It's not that I'm still angry, it's just... I can't wear it." Bai Ren removed the life talisman, gently stroking the runes on its surface. Qi Xiao hesitated, then an idea came to him. He nodded. "Alright... Does it still hurt here?"
Qi Xiao gently stroked Bai Ren's wrist. Bai Ren wanted to say it didn't hurt, but looking at Qi Xiao's anguished, remorseful face, he couldn't help wanting Qi Xiao to be even more careful with him. He said quietly, "A little."
Qi Xiao's touch became even more tender, slowly rubbing the bruised area. Bai Ren had just been so angry, so upset, bound by Qi Xiao for two hours. Now that he had relaxed, he felt utterly exhausted. He leaned against Qi Xiao's chest and, gradually, fell asleep.