Chapter 18: Extra Story
I had always known Qi Ling only by name, never having seen him.
But when I finally laid eyes on him, I regretted not knowing him sooner.
I didn't care about his reputation—I wanted him, the whole of him.
The first time I heard his name, everyone around me was cursing him, calling him nothing but a pretty face, condemning his overbearing arrogance, despising the fact that he liked men.
Everyone spoke of him with condescending pity and contempt, as if the only way to elevate themselves was to tear him down completely.
Be they noble sons or common folk, they all treated his affairs as a joke, freely voicing their absurd opinions.
I watched it all coldly, saying nothing.
These people would soon be proven wrong.
The same mouths that had heaped the vilest insults upon him now scrambled to elevate him to the heavens, worshipping him like a god. I watched them—obsessively, almost sickeningly—chase after the man they had once scorned, and I found it all rather amusing.
And for the first time, I became curious about him.
Confined in this pitch-black tomb, my memories were fading away, piece by piece. I was even forgetting who I was. But still, I forced myself to remember him, thinking of him at every moment.
Thinking of the first time we met.
I was returning in triumph from military campaign when I happened upon him—dispatched by the emperor on a mission.
He stood amidst the bustling crowd, his expression cold as he surveyed his surroundings.
Everyone around him vied for his attention, yet he stood there, utterly unmoved. Whether he truly didn't notice or simply didn't care, I couldn't tell.
In that moment, I understood why others were so obsessed with him.
Because he didn't belong to this world at all.
He was cold, like a lotus blooming on an icy mountain peak. You could only stand at the foot and gaze at him from afar. Even if you exhausted every ounce of strength and climbed the snow-covered mountain to stand before him—
You would still come to the sorrowful yet exhilarating realization that you could never conquer him.
All the fantasies people had about him were nothing but blasphemy.
And then?
I seem to remember his smile.
On a certain street, he dismissed all his attendants and walked alone through the lively, prosperous marketplace. Then he came upon a filthy little boy.
The boy said he hated this world, hated the parents who had abandoned him.
I had heard such words filled with resentment and jealousy countless times. This world was full of tragic souls who despised existence, trying to mask themselves with fierce exteriors—but what good did it do?
They were simply too weak, too helpless.
I watched coldly, certain that man would pass by this stranger, as he always did—cold and detached.
But I saw him kneel before the boy, take the child's hand, and smile gently at him.
I cannot describe that smile.
I felt as though it not only mesmerized the boy, but warmed my very heart.
Not scorching like the summer sun, not cold like the pale moon—it was just right. Piercing through the thickest walls, it found its way to the softest corner of my heart.
In all the time I had been following him, it was the first time I saw any other expression on his face.
What else is there?
I desperately tried to hold on to my memories.
But it was no use.
After the malevolent spirits invaded my body, they ravaged me day and night. I despised them—even wanted to destroy myself along with them.
Not because of the unbearable pain, but because they were slowly erasing my memories. Every day, I would walk to the ice coffin, carefully tracing the contours of his face, searching my mind for memories that contained him.
But it was all... futile.
There seems to be a crimson scene in my mind.
Ah... it's nothing important.
I came to his ice coffin once more and saw this blurry figure in my thoughts. He lay quietly inside, his face still young, as if he had simply fallen into a long, deep sleep.
I looked at him and knew that no matter how much I called his name, there was no way to wake him from this slumber.
Did he dream of me in his sleep?
No... no, that's wrong...
He was dead.
When I realized this once again, I felt I was going insane.
But I think I had already gone mad once before.
Why?
Because he became my burial companion.
The emperor feared the military power I commanded. He made a deal with the National Preceptor—who fed me poison without my knowledge and imprisoned me in this lightless tomb.
They adorned this place with opulence to conceal their hidden malice, maintaining the facade of their own benevolence.
And... Qi Ling...
He, who had been elevated to godhood and deeply loved by the people, had inevitably transgressed the National Preceptor's authority. The preceptor envied him for becoming the faith of an entire nation, so he found an excuse, made a deal with the pretentious emperor, and eliminated us both—his greatest threats.
I... we...
What a pleasing word that is.
What happened after?
Ah, while losing some memories, I also regained some memories that didn't belong to this world.
These memories pulled me back from madness into reason.
I... don't know if I'm still myself.
And Qi Ling's name in that other world was Qi An.
In that world, he wasn't born cold and aloof—he became that way... gradually...
My heart ached as if gripped by invisible hands.
I don't know if it was because of his experiences, or because in that world, there was no me—no real me.
I saw him lying cold inside that coffin, and I was going mad again.
But I told myself, I cannot.
He will return.
Yes... I must wait for him to return.
But before that, I need to make sure I can survive long enough to see that moment.
I want to see him one more time.
So my consciousness潜入 into all the ghosts within the tomb, letting my physical body fall into slumber to suppress the malevolent spirits.
It was a brilliant plan. I could preserve what little memory remained, and prevent my body and consciousness from deteriorating so rapidly.
I separated my consciousness from my physical form, piece by piece. This should have been agonizing, yet I felt a hidden excitement.
As long as he came to this tomb, I would know the moment he arrived.
Because I... was everywhere in this tomb.
I could watch my treasure through countless eyes in the darkness.
Every aspect of him.
He came.
I waited for him, and he came.
His name was the same as in that other world—Qi An. He returned to this tomb with a group of insufferable people.
But unlike before, he wasn't noble and cold.
He was gentle and delicate.
Though I knew his true nature was still as unyielding as ever, this appearance... it was so adorable. So soft it made me want to protect him, to see him look at me with those eyes, slightly puzzled.
He may have forgotten me, but as long as I remembered him, it was enough.
But at that moment, I felt conflicted.
I didn't know if I preferred that cold, proud version in my memories, or this adorable version before me.
In the end, it was him.
I told myself this.
Suddenly, I felt a pang of sorrow.
Because I don't have much time left.
He came to this tomb, searching for his treasure alongside his companions.
I found my treasure.
But soon, I lost him again.
Fortunately, I saw him once more.