Chapter 2
Shangguan launched into an endless tirade, progressing from my brain cells to my brain stem to my brain matter and finally to my forehead, and then—lest he run out of material—proceeded to compare my head to a shellfish creature that doesn't even have the capacity for thought. If he kept this up, I seriously feared I'd end up a vegetable. First it was idiot and dummy, then pig brain and sheep brain, and now we've finally reached the grand finale: no brain at all.
I truly admired Shangguan's knowledge of animal brains, but I was more inclined to suspect he was possessed by a demon every time he faced me.
That suspicion of mine was far more well-founded than any of Shangguan's insults—by all accounts from our colleagues, Shangguan was ice-cold, ruthless, merciless; in short, he belonged in the same category as emotionless marble sculptures. But when it came to me, this lack of temperature transformed into hot springs, boiling water, even magma—and not just any magma, but the Tang Sanzang variety. The kind that could drive even demons to suicide from sheer annoyance.
Sometimes I really impressed myself. I mean, demons couldn't endure Tang Sanzang and chose to end their own lives, yet I've managed to put up with him for two... well, nearly six years now. But was he always this chatty?
I had my doubts, though six years was too long ago to remember—actually, even if I tried, I probably couldn't recall anything useful anyway.
I don't know how much time passed. Maybe it was my sincere attitude, maybe Shangguan just wore himself out, but eventually he started the car.
"If you dare forget again next time, you'll wash dishes for a month!" Shangguan gnashed his teeth.
I shuddered like a bird pecking at rice. Compared to his usual threats of flaying and execution, washing dishes for a month was the most dangerous warning because it meant Shangguan was serious. I might not fear handling extra documents, might not mind helping colleagues with their work, might even endure Shangguan's Tang Sanzang routine—but dishes? No way. Not just dishes. Cooking, laundry, anything remotely related to housework filled me with dread.
Fortunately I didn't have strong feelings about getting married, otherwise someone like me would definitely be single forever—these days, it seems like women expect men to do the housework, while women are all heading toward being savage and unreasonable.
I nodded like a chick pecking at rice, and Shangguan grunted with satisfaction.
There was heavy traffic, so a journey that should have taken fifteen minutes took us a full half hour.
The best cinema in N City was located in the downtown district. It being a weekend, the streets were naturally packed like sardines. Colorful lights, blaring music, chatter, shouting—all mixed together was enough to give anyone a headache. Even sitting in the car, it was unbearable.
"If you'd been on time, we'd already be walking out by now." Shangguan glanced at me, his meaning clear: this was my own doing, and I deserved the noise and crowds.
I felt a bit郁闷—well, more than a bit. I didn't dare confess that I found staying home watching DVDs far more appealing than going to the cinema.
"What if we go eat first?" he sighed helplessly. "In another two hours the crowd will thin out."
I blinked. "Where to eat?" At this hour, which place wouldn't be crowded? Which place wouldn't be noisy?
"Maybe Wei Mei? They might still have seating, and it's close by."
I immediately shook my head. No way. Wei Mei—a single meal there would cost me half a month's salary. Even with my thick nerves, I still had some savings instinct.
Shangguan glared. "Where do you suggest then?"
"Nowhere. Let's just wait another half hour." In another half hour this showing would be over, then we could go in. Sure, we'd have to wait a bit more before the next movie started, but at least inside the cinema it would be relatively quiet, and definitely no garish lights and music.
Shangguan kept glaring. "Don't expect me to cook for you when we get back!"
"If you're hungry, go eat by yourself." One meal wasn't enough to intimidate me. I could eat instant noodles and crackers, or just skip eating and take a nap—time passed quickly either way. But wait, did I even have instant noodles at home? Should I buy some later? But how could I keep Shangguan from finding out? If this guy caught even a glimpse of my stash, he'd without a word toss whatever I'd grabbed for sustenance straight into the garbage—how many times had he already done that!
Shangguan started grinding his teeth again. After a while with no reaction from me, he suddenly pulled open the car door and stormed out. I sat alone in the car, the heater running full blast. The warm air made me drowsy, and I missed my comfortable double bed terribly.
I hoped I wouldn't fall asleep, otherwise Shangguan might really kill me this time.
Just as I was fighting to keep my eyes open, Shangguan returned, tossing a hamburger at me. "Eat this first."
I caught it, thanked him, and the smell of the burger finally chased away my sleepiness. Hamburgers were second only to instant noodles on the contraband list—it hadn't been easy to get Shangguan to agree to this. The last time I ate a hamburger... I really couldn't remember when that was. Generally speaking, my memory only lasted about a month; anything older than that, I usually forgot.
Shangguan had a burger too, gnawing at his with发泄—completely. He finished his in just a few bites, then propped his chin in his hand and watched me. His gaze... it was really quite strange.
I glanced at him, not understanding why he was looking at me like that. Was there something on my face? There shouldn't be, otherwise with this guy's horrible personality, he'd definitely start mocking me—Idiot! No brain! Can't even eat properly! A baby is stronger than you!
He'd said things like that countless times. I really couldn't fathom his logic. Occasionally getting a grain of rice or some sauce on my face or mouth was completely normal, yet in his mouth it became some kind of capital offense. Hmph! I'd like to see how his future kids would fare—were they going to be born without spilling food or spitting up milk?
Though his gaze was strange, I didn't plan to ask. This guy's mouth generally produced nothing good; if I asked, I'd probably just be asking for trouble.
I老老实实地 ate my burger, but then the guy sighed softly and said with a face full of depression, "Really don't know what's good about you..."
The rest was too quiet for me to catch, but I could guess it wouldn't be anything pleasant.
Yes, I wasn't good at anything. I wasn't as rich as big boss Shangguan here, wasn't as handsome either. But at least I didn't criticize people relentlessly like you do. It was only me. If it were someone else getting cursed at by you every single day, they'd have gone crazy long ago—didn't this guy once drive away three secretaries in a single week? That happened a year and a half ago, and I could remember it now, which said something about how sensational the incident was.
Shangguan's ability to criticize and tear people down was absolutely diamond-tier.
Thinking about this, I couldn't help but feel a little smug. I was probably the only person who could endure six years of Shangguan's attacks and remain normal.
Shangguan sighed again, murmuring something under his breath.
"I really have no idea what sins I committed..."
I think that was what he said, but I couldn't be sure. The volume was too low, and besides—did Shangguan even speak like a complaining woman?