Chapter 46
But I had never openly defied Shangguan. Why? Because Shangguan had never crossed my bottom line!
Whether it was his domineering autocracy or whatever, he never pushed me to the point where I couldn't bear it. The only possible exception might have been that night when Yang Xin kissed me, but before I could even figure out what was going on, he started a cold war with me. So my anger never had a chance to fully form before it turned into confusion. Though I found it all baffling, I still felt like I was the one at fault, and in the end I was even pleased with myself for being able to make up with him.
So this time, too, he deliberately walked away—to give me a chance to leave?
I stood there, stunned.
If Shangguan hadn't walked away that day, what would have happened? I didn't know how he would have reacted, but I—I would have left for sure, and even more decisively. I would have demanded my ID and bankbook back, packed up everything I owned, and if he tried to stop me, I would have broken off all relations with him, would have done anything to escape.
Even if I couldn't get away, I would have hated him. At the very least, I would have grown to despise him, to avoid him. I would have, just like I now feel about Yang Yun. Though I'm terrified of him, though I'm also afraid he might harm Ma Ting, I've started wanting to fight back, to burn everything down if I have to.
Yes, as long as my bottom line isn't crossed, I'm very easy to deal with. But once someone crosses my line, I can become utterly ruthless.
If Yang Yun alone could make me feel this way, then Shangguan should have provoked an even greater rebellion from me. But he let me go, so once again my anger turned into bewilderment. Though that afternoon was still something I didn't want to remember, it wasn't as unbearable as it had been at first, especially once I calmed down and started noticing the things he'd done for me.
A piece of clothing, a dish of vegetables, a CD... six years is such a long time. His presence can be found in anything and everything, reminding me of all the time we spent together.
So even knowing that his leaving was deliberate, the strongest feeling I had now was still just bewilderment: "He always knew where I was?"
If it was deliberate, then of course my whereabouts weren't hidden from him. So everything that happened after—meeting Ma Ting, and Ma Ting breaking up with Chen Zhongyang—had it all been an act staged right in front of me?
I shouldn't think this way. I shouldn't suspect Ma Ting, who had taken such good care of me. But how could an engaged couple break up so easily? And if they really had broken up, why did Ma Ting still have so many of Chen Zhongyang's clothes?
I'd been wearing those clothes for the past month. Ma Ting had said they were Chen Zhongyang's, that it would be a waste to throw them away, so she'd just handed them to me. I hadn't thought much about it at the time—I thought she still had feelings for her ex-fiancé.
But even if she still missed him, she shouldn't have let me wander around her wearing his clothes every day. Most importantly, Chen Zhongyang and I weren't even built the same way, yet these clothes fit me perfectly, as if they'd been made specifically for me!
"Not too stupid after all." Yang Yun smiled and nodded, but I could only offer a bitter smile.
But even knowing that everything had been Shangguan's arrangement, I couldn't muster the energy to be angry.
I stood up and walked toward the door. Since Ma Ting wasn't in danger, I had no reason to stay. As for what Yang Yun wanted to do with me, that was up to him.
Yang Yun blocked my path. "Don't you want to know what I talked about with Fei-ge?"
"That's your business." My face expressionless, I walked around him, continuing toward the front door.
But he appeared in front of me again, smiling. "Just listen. After I tell you, I definitely won't stop you anymore."
I walked around him again, but once more he blocked my way and grabbed my hand.
"Let go!" I shouted in anger. Damn the Shangguan family, damn Shangguan Fei, damn Yang Yun! Neither of these guys was a match I could handle. They could waggle their pinky fingers and have me spinning in circles. I couldn't win against them, so all I could do was run. China was so big, the world was so big—as long as I could get out that door, I didn't believe they'd be able to find me.
Even if I was just a rookie, I'd be honed into something sharper through this experience. A new face, a disguise—these were things I could learn. As long as I didn't die, we could take our time. Either way, I never wanted to have anything to do with the Shangguan family again!