# Chapter 49: Caught in Emotion
Winter sunlight streamed through the window. Man Cheng opened his eyes slowly, but the space beside him was empty. The warmth from last night still lingered in the room, yet he had already left.
Man Cheng forced himself to sit up and sighed. Besides helplessness, what else was there in his heart?
If I hadn't slept, I could have watched him longer...
The door creaked open slowly. It must be Lan Xing bringing medicine again.
"Man Cheng!" Zhang Zhou strode in, a faint smile on his lips, and sat by the bed.
It felt like a dream. How long had it been since he smiled at him like this? Man Cheng gazed dazedly at his smile, his eyes brimming with glistening tears.
"What are you spacing out for? Silly." Zhang Zhou wrapped one arm around Man Cheng's shoulder and held a bowl of bird's nest soup in the other, leaning in to kiss Man Cheng's pale cheek gently. "Eat something."
Man Cheng pouted deliberately. "Why didn't you bring me the Songluo Powder?"
"Don't even mention it!" Zhang Zhou said guiltily. "I'm sorry, okay? Please forgive me."
Man Cheng leaned against him and asked, "Zhang Zhou, did you really think I wanted to kill you?" As he spoke, Man Cheng reached up to gently touch his face. His eyes were full of tenderness, mixed with a trace of complaint. "Zhang Zhou! If you die, I can't live either! You're my only reason to live—how can you not understand?"
"I understand! I understand!" Zhang Zhou's heart ached with self-reproach as he held the person in his arms tighter.
Satisfied, Man Cheng smiled. Zhang Zhou scooped a spoonful of bird's nest and brought it to Man Cheng's lips. Man Cheng squirmed in his embrace. "I can feed myself." Then he grabbed the bowl and spoon and devoured the soup hungrily.
Zhang Zhou held him and laughed. "What else do you want to eat?"
Man Cheng shot him a look. "The Songluo Powder."
"Man Cheng!" Zhang Zhou said, caught between laughter and exasperation, using his sleeve to wipe the soup from the corner of Man Cheng's mouth. "Please forgive me, I've already admitted my mistake!"
Man Cheng giggled, turning to wrap his arms around him. After a moment, he frowned slightly. "Why do you have time to accompany me today?"
Zhang Zhou fell silent.
Man Cheng sighed and released him. "Go ahead. There's probably a crowd of people waiting for you at Yaoji Hall."
Zhang Zhou glanced at him gratefully. "I'll have a few imperial physicians waiting outside. They'll come in to examine you and prescribe some tonic."
Man Cheng nodded, lowering his eyes to take Zhang Zhou's hand, reluctant to let go.
Suddenly, Man Cheng seemed to remember something. He looked up urgently and called out, "Zhang Zhou."
Zhang Zhou made a questioning sound.
An ill-timed words slipped out of Man Cheng's mouth: "Please spare Zhong Shan..."
Zhang Zhou's expression darkened instantly.
Man Cheng watched his face nervously, guilt washing over him. He quickly leaned in to kiss him.
But Zhang Zhou flinched away as if struck by electricity.
Man Cheng froze. He suddenly remembered Zhang Zhou's words—"I really feel disgusted."
The warm, sweet atmosphere vanished in an instant. After a long silence, Zhang Zhou spoke in a muffled voice, breaking the suffocating quiet: "I'll do as you ask."
Having said those words, Zhang Zhou felt his heart twist. He pulled his hand free from Man Cheng's grip, stood up, and left without looking back.
Man Cheng sat on the bed, watching his retreating figure, and began to breathe lightly. Sitting for so long, he'd grown weary. He lay back down, curling into a ball, staring blankly into space.
How could I forget? You stopped wanting me long ago. Were you forcing yourself to hold me last night? And today, did you have to say those sweet words against your will to comfort me?
I reacted so intensely last night, and this morning I clung to you撒娇耍痴—were you so disgusted you wanted to vomit?
You... I won't make you uncomfortable anymore. I won't make you disgusted anymore.
From now on, I won't dare embrace you again, won't dare kiss you. I'll just watch you from a distance, and that will be enough.
Footsteps sounded outside the door. Man Cheng raised his tear-filled eyes, his mouth opening hopefully.
Zhong Shan?
Lan Xing's voice came softly from outside: "General, the physicians would like to come in and feel your pulse..."
The hope in Man Cheng's eyes vanished. He closed his eyes, turned over, and cut her off impatiently: "Tell them to get lost!"
---
**Previous Events**
Man Cheng had brought Jin Yin and Man Du back from Dudong. Winter had arrived in Yuanliao. The snow-covered Yuyin Mountain outside the city was a breathtaking scene of pure white, but reaching the mountaintop would require quite some effort.
Man Cheng pulled his left foot free from the snow and took another step forward, hearing the crunching sound echo through the silent forest.
He grabbed Zhong Shan, who was walking ahead, and called out to him.
Zhong Shan turned back. "What's wrong?"
"Hehehe..."
From Man Cheng's shameless, silly grin, Zhong Shan sensed what was coming. He tried to appease him: "Spare me!"
Man Cheng paid him no mind. He giggled and pounced, climbing onto Zhong Shan's back, nuzzling against his ear and acting spoiled: "General, I'll repay you well..."
Zhong Shan helplessly carried him forward, responding: "Fine, fine. Let's see how you plan to repay me!" After walking for a while, he commented doubtfully: "You seem heavier!"
"Don't make excuses!"
"I'm serious!"
"Then it means this General has gotten stronger! Hahaha..."
Zhong Shan burst out laughing too, teasing: "Bullshit! I think it's because you're wearing too many clothes!"
Man Cheng refused to accept that. "My sister said I've grown taller. Now I'm up to your eyebrows."
"When I first met you, you were already up to my eyebrows."
"Huh?" Man Cheng was dumbfounded.
Zhong Shan chuckled to himself. This kid really wasn't too bright—how could he not realize that I grew taller too? "Man Cheng!"
"What?" Man Cheng answered crossly, probably still secretly sulking.
"Can you walk on your own? I'm really tired."
Man Cheng hugged him tighter instead, his legs wrapping firmly around Zhong Shan. He countered: "Didn't you say you don't know what tired means?"
Zhong Shan was puzzled. "When did I say that? You must be remembering wrong."
Man Cheng grinned wickedly and answered: "In bed!"
Zhong Shan almost fainted.
Man Cheng nestled comfortably on his back, grinning triumphantly.
Zhong Shan shook his head, caught between laughter and tears. "It's a good thing you stopped being a king. Otherwise you'd really be a king whose name would be cursed for generations—a debauched, tyrannical fool! Hey, speaking of which, could it be that your father was the same way? That would mean—"
Zhong Shan stopped mid-sentence because the Man Cheng on his back had suddenly stopped laughing.
Nervously, Zhong Shan asked: "Man Cheng, are you angry?"
Man Cheng had been in an excellent mood, but at this remark, memories of the past surfaced. Somewhat dejected, he replied lightly: "No. Keep walking, don't stop."
Zhong Shan obediently moved forward. He heard Man Cheng say: "My father was different from me. He was dedicated to state affairs, skilled in both literary and martial matters. He was introverted and honest, and in his entire life, he only had two women."
Zhong Shan was incredulous. "That abstemious? Then how did you turn out like this?"
"You looking for death?" Man Cheng swatted his head.
Zhong Shan quickly shut up.
Man Cheng's tone grew more melancholic: "The Queen was his childhood sweetheart. He only loved that woman. My mother was someone he was forced to marry. In this palace, the mother's status elevates the child. Though he was forced by my grandfather's power to name me as crown prince, the ones he truly doted on were my sister and Man Du. And my temper was terrible. I refused to learn anything, only knew how to play. By the time I was over ten, the only characters I could recognize were from my grandfather's sword manual. Everything else—I knew nothing. How could he love someone like me? He was a pitiful man. He ascended the throne at eight and died at thirty. As a child, he was forced to study diligently. As an adult, he managed a thousand matters daily. He had no time for leisure at all. Even when he had free time, he spent it with the Queen. So I barely saw him a few times a year. My mother gave her whole heart to him, waiting faithfully, crying every day. My grandfather handled military affairs and had no time for me either..."
Zhong Shan listened quietly to him recount the past.
"Later he fell seriously ill. My mother and I desperately wanted to see him, but from behind that door came his voice: 'I don't want to see them!' I turned around and saw my mother's expression—so tragic. I never understood why my father hated us mother and son so much..." Man Cheng sighed and asked, "Zhong Shan, does your father love you?"
Zhong Shan answered simply: "He loved me very much."
"What about your mother?"
"She... she doted on me terribly. Unfortunately, after my father died, she followed him."
"Mine too." Man Cheng tightened his arms, his chest pressed against Zhong Shan's back, feeling incredibly warm. He sighed again and said, "It seems neither of us is as important to our mothers as our fathers are."
Zhong Shan fell silent. Around them, Man Cheng's light, warm breathing filled the air. After a while, Man Cheng raised his left hand and waved it in front of Zhong Shan, saying somewhat shyly: "Zhong Shan, I'll treasure this properly."
That string of Buddhist beads, glowing with a dim purple light, circled his wrist, expressing the sweet, happy feeling in his heart.
The mountaintop was a landscape of gentle, dreamlike snow.
This year had seen several snowfalls. The snowflakes were so lovely—cool and smooth. Who could not love them? Unfortunately, spring was coming soon, and the snowflakes would all disappear. The warm sunlight overhead, falling upon them, brought a different kind of joy.
Man Cheng stood outside his courtyard. Before he could step through the archway, he saw that the other had already turned around.
Just a few days apart, yet it felt like years of longing had accumulated.
A faint sadness flashed across that face, then transformed into a brilliant smile—warm as the winter sunlight. His voice was low but full of joy, the greeting so intimate—"Man Cheng!"
Man Cheng stood there, gazing at him in a daze, slightly intoxicated.
He walked over, his smile never leaving his face. "What? It's only been two days, and this guy is already running around again? As expected of a beast! Such supernatural recovery speed!"
Man Cheng breathed lightly, leaning weakly against him, and asked: "Why didn't you come find me?"
"I thought you probably had someone to accompany you, so..."
Man Cheng threw his arms around him fiercely. "Zhong Shan, I missed you so much."
Man Cheng pressed himself tightly against his chest. That sweet, happy feeling—when could it gradually steady his restless heart?
Zhong Shan laughed, asking with mischief: "Did you miss me, or did you miss my body?"
Man Cheng ignored his lack of seriousness, gently touching his face instead, and said earnestly: "Zhong Shan, I missed you..."
Zhong Shan's eyes grew warm. Man Cheng's soft lips drew near...
Could this moment last forever? Could my heart stop longing? Could the one I love never leave me?
Zhong Shan held him fiercely, yet in his heart was endless unwillingness and sorrow.
---
**Previous Events**
The snow had stopped during the day, but by nightfall it fell again in fluffy curtains. The weather grew colder. Man Cheng draped in a cloak white as the snow, walked slowly through the snowfield. When he reached the top of the Zhenzhou Pagoda, he found Ying You was already there. The cold air had whitened her face, and her bright, clever eyes shimmered with tears. Seeing him arrive, Ying You gave a faint smile. "I came early. Man Cheng, what did you want to see me about?"
"I..."
The two stood in silence for a long while. Ying You's tears glistened in the night. Her voice carried sorrow: "Man Cheng." She called his name, saw him with his head bowed, called again: "Man Cheng, Man Cheng!"
"Ying You..." Tears filled Man Cheng's eyes. A faint smile appeared, yet it spoke of suffering too painful for words. "Ying You, I have something... to tell you."
"I don't want to hear!" Ying You interrupted urgently. "What you want to say is just those few words!"
"No, Ying You, I—"
"Man Cheng! I gave you everything. What do you think I am? I was naive enough to think you would fight for me against him. How ridiculous... What am I? I'm nothing in your eyes! I... I want to be with you... If I can't be with you, I'd rather die..." Ying You sobbed brokenly, her crying echoing in the air.
Man Cheng looked up at her, his mind a chaotic blur. A strange panic rose in his heart. "Ying You?" He saw that Ying You had pressed herself against a broken section of the railing. If she leaned back slightly, she would fall.
"Ying You, what are you doing?" Man Cheng's scalp went numb. He urgently stretched out his hand toward her. "Come over here first, okay? Don't stand there! Give me your hand... Please."
"When I came here, I had my maid send a letter to him, telling him you invited me here and that you were going to kill me. He'll believe it." Ying You stopped crying, her lips forming a desolate smile. "Don't look at me like that. I'm doing this for your own good! Man Cheng, if he knows you killed me, his heart will forever be shrouded in darkness. You two will never be able to return to how things were. Never!
That way, you can finally sever your love for him forever!
You can go live your own life!
Man Cheng! Just let me die!
Just let me die!"
Man Cheng was frozen in place, as mute as a statue, unable to make a sound. His eyes held infinite terror.
Ying You's expression was resolute. "Man Cheng, you love too obsessively. I know you're in so much pain! Watching you like this hurts me even more than it hurts you! Man Cheng, after I go, you must live for yourself, okay?"
"You..." Man Cheng looked at her in despair, too tongue-tied to speak. Tears flowed unceasingly, blurring her from view, blurring the entire sky.
"Stop giving everything for him. He doesn't deserve it! He'll destroy your whole life! Man Cheng! I... I love you more than he does!" Ying You, resolute and unwavering, leaned backward.
He lunged forward frantically, his fingertips brushing hers—but he didn't catch hold. He watched her slip into the dark, abyss-like air.
She had once clasped his hand in her palm, transmitting warmth to his heart, smiling sweetly: "Man Cheng, I am Ying You."
Viscous blood spread across the snow. Ying You, in her light yellow dress, lay on the snowy ground, as calm as the night sky—yet that calm tore at one's heartstrings.
Light yellow—how warm and comforting, it had once been Man Cheng's favorite color.
The cold wind couldn't dry the tears. His face stung painfully. The pain in his heart was beyond words!
Ying You! Originally, I was going to take you far away!