# Chapter 60: Life and Death Are Destined
In the quiet room, two people held hands in silence.
The one lying flat on the bed had barely a thread of breath left, his face peaceful, utterly unaware that the gentle sunlight outside had once again drifted into his room.
The one holding his hand lay curled beside him, heart shattered, also completely unaware as time trickled by, day after day, as sunlight came and went, departed and returned.
What came to mind?
It was the happiest days of his life, the most carefree times.
In the Anqing royal palace, those pure and flawless eyes flickered with shyness, that young and tender face drew close, pressing against Zhang Zhou's cheek.
Two curious, naive youths secretly embraced and kissed. Upon hearing a sound, their hearts panicked and they hastily pulled apart.
"What's the matter!" Mancheng pouted and said, "There's no one here at all!"
Zhang Zhou laughed, "What if there had been someone? If they'd been seen, wouldn't they tell your mother?"
Mancheng pursed his lips and said, "Then let's continue."
"Continue what?" Zhang Zhou gently pushed away Mancheng who had moved closer again, urgently saying, "Have you gotten addicted or something? When you get married, you'll have plenty of kisses to give—don't come asking me for them!"
Mancheng shook his head and clung to him more stubbornly, throwing a tantrum. Zhang Zhou put on an expression of helplessness, but his heart was filled with joy. He pulled Mancheng into his arms and laughed without stopping, "Mancheng, if you were a woman, I would definitely marry you."
Mancheng scoffed, clearly very dissatisfied. He said crossly, "So what if I'm not a woman? Weren't you kissing me happily just now?"
Zhang Zhou smiled without speaking.
Mancheng sat sulking for a while, then suddenly remembered something. He shook Zhang Zhou's hand, "When will Father's illness get better? Hmph... but even when he's well, he can't be bothered to pay attention to me." Mancheng felt dejected and said, "When he's sick, Mother cries every day. When he's not sick, Mother cries every day too. She cries whenever she doesn't see him—it's so annoying."
Zhang Zhou teased, "Then tomorrow I'll go play by myself. Don't cry if you don't see me, okay?"
Mancheng immediately jumped up, stomping his feet. "No! Not only will I cry, I'll roll around on the floor like last time, and I'll go on a hunger strike!"
Zhang Zhou was哭笑不得 (caught between laughter and tears).
Mancheng proudly climbed onto Zhang Zhou's back and whispered in his ear, "Zhang Zhou, let's go see Father."
Zhang Zhou frowned and advised, "The guards won't let you in."
Mancheng sighed softly, "Zhang Zhou, I've heard many people say that all the men in our Xia family can only live into their twenties. Look, Father is almost thirty—do you think he'll survive?"
"Of course he'll survive! Don't listen to those maids gossiping."
Mancheng obediently answered, "Oh."
"Mancheng, let's climb over the back wall to Jinhua Garden. You can take a secret peek at your father—I guarantee no one will find out."
Mancheng was overjoyed and nodded repeatedly.
The two of them scrambled over to the queen's private chambers, crouching beneath the window to peer inside.
Mancheng kept poking his head up. In that dim window, curtains hung cold and still. Beyond the layered silk and gauze, there seemed to be a figure bent over the bedside—wasn't that Queen Mother...?
"Mancheng!" Zhang Zhou scanned the surroundings while asking softly, "Did you see him?"
Mancheng pouted and shook his head. "Can't see Father. He's lying down."
The two crouched beneath the window, at a loss.
From inside the room came soft coughing sounds.
Mancheng pricked up his ears. Though they rarely met, he could immediately recognize his father's voice.
"You... have gotten thinner..." A low, weak voice drifted out. "You... rest. If you collapse, what will become of Jinyin and Mancheng..."
"My king..." The queen mother's hoarse weeping.
"Please don't call me that... I liked it better when you called me like when we were children..."
"..."
"Sigh... I had thought... we could grow old together, but now it seems I won't make it. For a while now, I've been having the same dream over and over. I dream that when I was little, I was writing, and you stood beside me grinding ink... I'd glance at you and you'd smile. I'd write a while, look at you again, and you'd smile again... So this dream was telling me my time was near. But I didn't notice it then, otherwise I could have spent more time with you..."
Outside the window, Mancheng sniffled softly. Zhang Zhou reached over to wipe his tears and, lowering his voice, said, "Don't cry... Mancheng, don't cry... Your crying breaks my heart."
Why are these memories so vivid? It feels like they just happened.
These past few days, all the memories have come flooding back.
Mancheng, my every memory is filled with your shadow.
Zhang Zhou closed his eyes and lay back down. Mancheng's hand—he hadn't let go all these days.
How could he possibly let go?
From somewhere far away came a fragment of words—
"Zhang Zhou, I've been having the same dream lately."
"What dream?"
"I dreamed that when we were in Anqing, you..."
"Mancheng, you're just like a girl!"
Mancheng, what expression did you have back then?
I remember now. Your gaze was slightly dazed, and there was boundless despair.
I'm sorry, Mancheng... I shattered your heart...
I... I regret it so much I don't know what to do...
Mancheng... Don't be afraid. I'll hold your hand forever and never let go.
I'll go with you to that other world. We shall never be apart, for all eternity.
Peng Hong entered the inner room. Xiu Yi saw his exhausted face and her heart ached. While instructing the maid to take Peng Kai and Peng Yue out to play, she called someone to prepare refreshments and sat down to brew tea for Peng Hong.
Peng Hong's face was dark. He remained silent.
"How... is Mancheng?" Xiu Yi carefully asked.
Peng Hong sighed. "I don't know. It's been six or seven days since we returned to the city." As he spoke, his eyes reddened and his voice grew quieter: "Mancheng now... probably only has breath going out, none coming in."
Xiu Yi hesitated, then lowered her head to wipe away tears. Peng Hong continued, "If he dies, what will become of Zhang Zhou..."
A commotion arose at the entrance. Peng Hong went to open the door and saw a soldier rushing over, his face panicked. The man immediately knelt on the ground. "My lord! Several ministers and generals from the Kingdom of Deng have surrendered to Yongzhao. The King of Deng has fled the palace and his whereabouts are unknown. Our entire army has retreated to defend Anqing!"
Peng Hong flew into a rage. "What about Cheng Zhongshan?"
"General Cheng has already arrived at Anqing. The Weizhen Army under Lord Hou Shen has stabilized as well. They've all submitted to General Cheng's command. Anqing City is under tight lockdown."
Peng Hong nodded, thinking: This Cheng Zhongshan really is capable.
Behind him, Xiu Yi suddenly asked sharply, "What about the Queen of Deng?"
"This..." The soldier hesitated briefly. "The queen hanged herself."
Black spots swam before Peng Hong's eyes. He heard the maid behind him calling out, "My lady! My lady!"
Peng Hong steadied himself and turned around. Xiu Yi had already fainted. Peng Hong quickly caught her, shouting for the maid to fetch the doctor. The two children rushed over crying, calling for their mother. The garden was thrown into chaos.
In the brightly decorated Langjing Garden, palace maids bustled about cheerfully.
Peng Hong passed through the side door and quietly entered this familiar room.
Behind the tasseled golden fish screen, who was sighing? In the bronze mirror's reflection, who was applying makeup?
"You... came..." That gentle, soft voice rose, ethereal and mournful.
Jinyin stood and turned to face him.
Such a beauty, the most beautiful under heaven. Now dressed in full regalia, heavy makeup, her misty hair and cloud-like bun adorned with jewels and golden hairpins, her cheeks like fresh litchi, her eyes like autumn waves. Yet on her lashes, teardrops glistened. On her cheeks, tear tracks remained. For whom?
For this man standing before her—a man confused by love and paralyzed by weakness.
Peng Hong's heart ached unbearably. He couldn't help but kneel, pulling Jinyin into his embrace, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Jinyin, I'm sorry." Peng Hong's voice choked for a long moment before he could speak. "I... I've wronged you!"
"You've said those words more than a thousand times, more than ten thousand times! I waited for you so many years, only to end up waiting to become a concubine—and you still couldn't..."
I spent the most beautiful decade of my life waiting for you, waiting through your endless "just wait a little longer."
Now, even if I'm still willing to wait, there isn't time left for me to wait!
"Peng Hong, things have come to this—I can no longer be your concubine. Either you take me away, or... or you'll have to watch me go to the Kingdom of Deng!" Jinyin also knelt down, cradling Peng Hong's face, begging desperately: "Peng Hong! Take me away, I... I don't want to go to Deng. Take me away, please! I'm begging you! I'm begging you..."
Peng Hong closed his eyes, anguished beyond bearing. After a long while, he uttered one sentence: "I'm sorry, Jinyin."
What else could I possibly say?
Jinyin smiled softly, but her tears wouldn't stop. She swayed unsteadily, yet forced herself to stand. She steadied herself against the table and sat before the dressing mirror.
A table full of bright red rouge and powders, dazzling golden phoenix hairpins and pearl ornaments—almost enough to blur one's vision.
I don't want any of these. I only ever wanted to be your concubine. Even that, you wouldn't give me.
Peng Hong, after all these years, I've understood long ago—I will never be as important as Xiu Yi in your heart. But I refused to admit it! I've been deceiving myself, saying she has your person, but I have your heart.
Actually, I have nothing...
"My lord... please leave."
Why did I let that confused, infatuated first meeting develop without restraint?
You were so ruthless as to drive me to this point. It would have been better to cut the threads early, to end my foolish hopes.
Peng Hong carried Xiu Yi back to her room and laid her down. Xiu Yi had already regained consciousness, tears streaming down her face.
Peng Hong also shed tears. His voice hoarse, he said, "I hear Yongzhao's armies always handle royal family members and fallen generals' families well. That fool... why did she have to do this?"
Xiu Yi lay with her hair disheveled, clutching the pillowcase, weeping ceaselessly. "It was my fault! She treated me like a sister, yet I..."
"What's that got to do with you?" Peng Hong held her hand and said, "Xiu Yi, as long as we're alive, there's hope. Someday, if this Yuanliao also falls, or if I die, you mustn't do anything foolish like she did. Promise me."
Xiu Yi nodded. Peng Hong continued, "I'm serious. Looking at the situation, Yuanliao is bound to face a bloody battle sooner or later. If I really don't make it, Peng Kai will be your support. Don't you dare take your own life, okay?"
Xiu Yi rose and threw her arms around Peng Hong, crying her heart out. "Peng Hong, I've known you since we were children. I love you more than anyone..."
"I know."
"But the one you love isn't me—it's Jinyin! I know everything!"
Peng Hong was startled. "You... what are you talking about?"
"I know everything. You two fell in love when Jinyin went to Duming. I saw it long ago. You dragged it out year after year, just not daring to tell me. I know that too."
Peng Hong couldn't bear to look at Xiu Yi. Tears streamed down his face unbidden.
All thoughts of Jinyin at this moment only deepened Peng Hong's pain. Jinyin's heart was like still water, waiting for him. But what had he given her?
How many years can a woman wait? Marrying Qian De and then the King of Deng—those were both escapes from the endless waiting. Peng Hong knew it all, but what could he do?
I can't let go of Xiu Yi.
I already have a childhood sweetheart who has merged into my soul and blood. Why am I still not satisfied? Why am I so shamelessly greedy, wanting more? Why must I fall in love with someone else?
If I'd known this would happen, why didn't I avoid her back then? Why did I let this feelings begin? And why did I let her leave me?
What suffering could be worse than suffering of the heart?
Xiu Yi clutched his hand tightly and cried out, "Peng Hong, please forgive me. Jinyin was so beautiful, beautiful enough to not be of this world. She wasn't a woman you could bring home as a minor concubine. I couldn't compete with her! All these years I've been terrified of losing you... Peng Hong, please forgive me."
Peng Hong's sorrow cut to the bone: Forgive? What should be asking for forgiveness is me.
In his ears, Xiu Yi's wailing continued endlessly: "Peng Hong, I know Xiangguang was yours. I'm sorry—Xiangguang was killed by me."
Peng Hong was shocked as if struck by lightning. "What did you say? You..."
"I took advantage of when Jinyin wasn't looking and fed Xiangguang a specially prepared candy pill. Xiangguang hadn't grown teeth yet. The moment he put it in his mouth, he swallowed it quickly. Two hours later, the sugar coating on the outside dissolved layer by layer in his stomach, and the poison inside..."
Peng Hong's grief and fury were overwhelming. He roared, "You!"
Xiu Yi looked at him in terror and despair, nearly崩溃. She sobbed so hard she couldn't control herself. "Peng Hong! I know I'm not human! I regret it too! All these years I've forced smiles, but truly I've been living a worse death! I truly wanted to die! But the moment I saw you and the children, I couldn't bear to leave... I know I've harmed you and Jinyin, I've harmed Mancheng and Zhang Zhou. I regret it! I regret it more than I can say..."
"You..." Peng Hong gripped his fists tightly, tears and mucus streaming down his face.
"My lord!" A soldier who clearly had no sense of propriety actually burst through the door, falling to his knees on the floor.
Peng Hong smashed a side table with a palm strike and roared, "Get out!"
"My lord," the soldier raised his hands above his head, trembling as he opened his palm. "My lord, Yongzhao has sent an envoy with the antidote for General Xia!"
Peng Hong stared at the small red medicine bottle in the soldier's palm, wanting to laugh, wanting to nod—yet the tears wouldn't stop.