Chapter 53: Regret
The 圆辽 military force supporting 度东 was overwhelmed, and together with the 度东 army, they retreated from 芝郡. Both armies were in disarray, having suffered heavy losses. The Third Prince of 度东, Bo He, was captured by the 永兆 army. Taking advantage of the 永兆 army's rest and consolidation in 芝郡, Jin Lu desperately sought help from 圆辽 city.
The majestic Crown Prince of 圆辽 received the imperial decree and reorganized the troops to support 度东.
Man Cheng stood at the main gate of 如意西宫, dazed for a moment, then said to Zhong Shan: "I want to go to 荣喜 Garden."
Zhong Shan was puzzled, about to dissuade him, when he saw Man Cheng's innocent, shallow smile pleading: "I'm just going to talk to her. I'll be right back, wait for me."
Zhong Shan had no choice but to nod.
Man Cheng entered the inner courtyard of 荣喜 Garden, climbed the steps, and arrived at the pavilion on the third floor. Wei Yang was bent over a desk, writing letters over and over again. Letters covered the desk and the floor, filled with密密麻麻 characters.
Man Cheng called out softly: "Wei Yang."
Wei Yang's whole body trembled. She looked up and saw him, her tone sharp and hostile: "Hmph, Zhang Zhou is truly weak and incompetent. Why didn't he lock you up for life?"
Man Cheng replied calmly: "I knew long ago it was you who stirred up trouble. You should be grateful—thankfully Zhang Zhou didn't die, otherwise I wouldn't just kill you, I'd make the entire 俞 kingdom pay the price for him."
Wei Yang's face turned ashen. Then she coldly smiled: "Just you?"
"Just me. Making the whole world pay for him would be effortless." Man Cheng walked closer, his expression impassive: "I advise you, don't do anything foolish again."
"Wei Yang!" Wei Yang shouted before he could finish: "Don't think that by confining me, by not letting me write to Father, you can do whatever you want! In a few more months, I'll be able to return to 津京! Then let's see who dares keep me! Let's see who dares prevent me from leaving!"
"I know. By then there would be absolutely no reason to forcibly keep you. Even if you don't go back, your father will send someone to see you."
Wei Yang was horrified: "You... what are you going to do? If you kill me, my father won't spare any of you!"
"I know."
Wei Yang looked at Man Cheng's cold, stern face, backing away step by step, her voice shaking: "What are you going to do? Haven't you harmed me enough? Now what new method of torture are you thinking of?"
Man Cheng smiled, but it couldn't hide the sorrow: "I just came to say goodbye. I'm going to 度东... Wei Yang, I was the one who caused you suffering, but Zhang Zhou has always treated you well. When you return to 津京 for a visit, don't hurt him, okay?"
Wei Yang laughed coldly one after another: "You want me to pretend nothing happened, then come back to be confined by you? Man Cheng, stop dreaming! I'm not Shen Mu! No matter what methods you use to torture me, I won't die until I've seen my father!"
"Wei Yang, before long, you'll be free. Zhang Zhou will treat you well. He'll... he'll love you dearly for a lifetime." As Man Cheng said this, his voice couldn't help but tremble. "I'm leaving, and I won't be coming back. He'll only have you now. Why must you want to hurt him?"
Wei Yang's eyes widened: "You... what do you mean?"
"This 如意 Palace, only 荣喜 Garden has a third floor added on top. Do you know why?" Man Cheng ignored Wei Yang's stunned expression, continuing to speak: "The former King of 圆辽 was deeply in love with a woman, but could never have her. So he added a pavilion on top of her residence in 荣喜 Garden, so that from 耀极 Hall he could see that pavilion, and also see that woman. He let the whole world know he loved his own younger sister, but that woman refused him unto death." Man Cheng sighed: "How is it that there are so many people lost in delusion in this world?"
Wei Yang fell silent.
"Actually, I'm very cowardly. Every time my birthday approaches, those few days are when I'm most terrified and panicked. No one could understand... because for me, having a birthday is a reminder that my life is running out. But as long as he's with me, I feel at peace... Every birthday, he remembers. Every birthday, he makes time to be with me. But last year, I waited for him in the courtyard the whole day, and he never came. At midnight, suddenly magnificent fireworks bloomed in the sky, lasting for a long time..."
A hint of panic flickered across Wei Yang's face.
"Unfortunately, the sky where those fireworks bloomed was not in the direction of 耀极 Hall, but in the direction of the护国将军's mansion." Man Cheng stepped closer to her. Wei Yang hastily looked away.
Man Cheng's face was full of despair, his voice light: "Zhong Shan bought up all the fireworks in 圆辽 city. It woke the entire city. That breathtakingly beautiful sight—did you see it?" Man Cheng stepped closer again: "Or were you simply too busy to look?"
Wei Yang shrank into the corner, shouting: "Why are you telling me all this? Which of you two ever liked me? He used me, you took revenge on me! You're both mad! What do you actually want?"
Man Cheng stopped walking, looking at her with pity. Then he walked to the window, gazing out at the land beyond, lost in distant memories.
"He's tricked me how many times, I've lost count. When we were in 度东, he said that when he became the Great King, he'd be with me every day. During the campaign against Zhang Shun, he said that when he recaptured 圆辽 city, he'd never make me hurt people again. To get me to go to 雄州, he coaxed me, saying he had only ever had me from the beginning. But after I secretly killed Dao Chun and seized 雄州, he told me that Xiang Guang was his child. Before he went to 俞 kingdom, he promised me he'd never marry, that he'd only be with me. When he came back, he had an engagement with you. Then he promised me that after I killed Zhang Shun, he'd break off the engagement..." Sunlight brushed past Man Cheng's yellowish eyelashes, landing on his cold, pale face. He turned and glanced at Wei Yang, saying quietly: "But you came anyway, didn't you? You didn't have to付出 anything, and you got to be with him rightfully. Do you know how much I envy you? After you came, he didn't just嫌弃 me... he found me disgusting..."
Wei Yang bit her lower lip, her eyes filling with tears. "How was I supposed to know any of this? You made me fall in love with you, made me pregnant with your child, then made me lose him—was all of this part of your plan?" She said, sobbing: "How can you be so cruel? Do you... hate me that much?"
"No..." Man Cheng cut her off, his gaze revealing desolate self-pity: "I never wanted to hurt you! At the beginning, I thought you were heaven-sent, a gift to me. I thought you came to save me! But later, I realized I was wrong." He shifted his gaze away from Wei Yang: "You're not Ying You after all."
Wei Yang was stunned. She listened as Man Cheng's tone softened, carrying deep regret—
"I originally wanted to take her far away, to fly high with her. Unfortunately, she didn't give me the chance."
"Now, someone is giving me a chance..." Man Cheng gazed into the distance at the tall, straight figure standing outside the main gate of 如意西宫. A hint of imperceptible happiness curved his lips.
"Wei Yang, from now on, Zhang Zhou is yours."
A crimson-clad figure stood alone in the funeral hall. Silently, he lit three sticks of incense. After a long while, he called out: "Man Du..."
He inserted the three sticks of incense into the incense burner, staring at the spirit tablet, his gaze unfocused.
"Man Du... brother is leaving again..."
"Man Du... I... I owe you. If not for him, you would still be safely resting in the palace of 安庆... I was too selfish. For his sake, I made you and Sister have to live under someone else's roof. I felt so guilty toward you both. I wanted to protect you, so I went to 度东 to bring you here. But the result was... I destroyed you both..."
"Man Du, I've given him everything. What did I get in return? Even Sister advised me to wake up soon, but I was still deceiving myself... He's not needed me for a long time..."
"Man Du, you're gone too. Here... what is there left for me to linger for..."
"I'm sorry, Man Du. Brother... won't be able to come to pay respects to you anymore."
"I... I'm not coming back..."
The lingering sunset scattered over the busy, reorganizing troops of 威震军. The military horn sounded. The commanding general sat upright on his yellow horse, standing beneath the city gate. He looked up toward the tower—the city wall was completely empty!
Zhang Zhou?
Man Cheng suddenly felt a surge of panic: If I leave, I really won't be coming back!
"Man Cheng!" Zhong Shan rode up slowly, advising: "Man Cheng, with recent military affairs being so busy, he hasn't had time to see you. Let's go!"
Man Cheng was stunned for a moment, then turned his horse around.
"Man Cheng!" Zhong Shan urgently grabbed him, startled: "Where are you going? The military horn has sounded!"
"I..." Man Cheng couldn't get the words out. His eyes were full of pleading.
Zhong Shan understood, smiling bitterly, and released his hand.
Man Cheng gave him a grateful look, then whipped his horse and galloped toward 耀极 Hall.
Zhang Zhou, I want to see you one last time!
He pushed open the door of 耀极 Hall. Peng Hong was shocked to see him burst in in full armor, questioning: "Man Cheng, why haven't you left yet?"
"Zhang Zhou!" Man Cheng ran to the startled Zhang Zhou, breathing lightly. He gazed into Zhang Zhou's deep eyes. Years of pain and reluctance came flooding in. He called again: "Zhang Zhou!"
No, I still can't bear to leave him!
Zhang Zhou, keep me. If you just say don't go, I won't leave you!
"Man Cheng, why haven't you left yet?" The voice, distant and remote, was like a sharp blade, slicing open Man Cheng's heart.
Man Cheng felt an excruciating pain in his chest. The impulse to embrace him instantly dissipated. After a pause, he asked: "Why... didn't you come to see me?"
Zhang Zhou didn't notice the shifting expressions on Man Cheng's face, frowning: "News from 度东—Bo He refuses to submit to the 永兆 army. He committed suicide in prison!"
Man Cheng disdainfully sneered: "Hmph, that bastard actually has some spine!"
Bo He was Zhang Zhou and Peng Hong's sworn brother. Learning of his death, both were already in deep sorrow. Upon hearing Man Cheng's disdainful attitude, both showed anger.
Man Cheng naturally noticed this, so he laughed mockingly even more freely: "He should have died long ago!"
"Man Cheng!" Peng Hong shouted in anger: "Bo He treated you well. Why do you speak of him like this?"
Man Cheng glanced at Peng Hong, then softened his tone: "Peng Hong, you've always taken good care of me but have never had any ulterior motives toward me, so I've always respected you like an elder brother in my heart."
Peng Hong was startled.
Man Cheng continued: "Peng Hong, in the past you were strict with my discipline, but in recent years, you've been evasive with me... I know why. Because I've become the kind of demon that even an elder brother would fear, right?"
Peng Hong couldn't help but feel warmth in his eyes, saying nothing. Zhang Zhou was also very confused, not understanding what had gotten into Man Cheng today.
Man Cheng shifted his tone: "Zhang Zhou, I harbor deep hatred for 度东!" He pointed at Zhang Zhou's dragon throne: "If I were the one sitting on that, the first thing I'd do is raze Dongzhou to the ground! But now, I have to go save it!"
Zhang Zhou remained indifferent, saying softly: "Man Cheng, are you still resentful that your uncle gave Ying You to me?"
"Hmph!" Man Cheng's face showed bitter suffering. The disgust and hatred suppressed in his heart for years now couldn't be held back any longer! "Zhang Zhou, even if he hadn't given Ying You to you, he certainly wouldn't have given her to me! You know why? At the beginning, you were just a deputy general under Bo He. The King of 度东, without the slightest hesitation, handed military power to you piece by piece, promoting you extravagantly. Do you know why? Did you really think you earned his favor with just your two blades? You, a deceased prince's orphaned son with no connection to him whatsoever—why did he lend you troops to recapture 圆辽? Why did he lend you one-third of 度东's military power? You're an idiot! Do you really think he's benevolent and kind? You, you..."
At that moment, not only did Zhang Zhou stare round-eyed in shock, but Peng Hong also seemed to sense something, his face gradually turning ashen.
Man Cheng gritted his teeth, his anger making his voice tremble: "You actually still pretend to be ignorant! Fine, I'll be even blunter. Wasn't it me giving my all, sharing his bed, being shameless and playing coy? Otherwise, would that old man have been so generous, so..."
Zhang Zhou abruptly covered Man Cheng's mouth, his whole body trembling, his heart feeling like it was about to stop!
Man Cheng pushed his hand away mercilessly, eyes brimming with tears: "In that palace, besides Ying You, who ever treated me like a human? When you weren't there, Bo Jia took me to the deepest part of his quarters for who-knows-what games—do you know? He, Bo Quan, and your sworn brother Bo He—they all loved my body more than anything!"
Man Cheng couldn't help but continue through tears: "I was only thirteen, fourteen years old! When they took turns with me, where were you? When they devised all sorts of ways to humiliate me, torturing me within an inch of my life, where were you? Are you still sighing about how the several princes in the 度东 palace treated you like blood brothers? Are you still grateful to them for争取 so many opportunities for you to gain merit? You brought them such interesting entertainment—how could they not wish you were never in the palace every single day!"
"Man Cheng!" Zhang Zhou touched Man Cheng's tear-streaked face. Regret and grief rushed in, pounding his skull until it felt like it might split open! "Man Cheng! Man Cheng!" Zhang Zhou pulled him into an embrace, in so much pain he couldn't make a sound, calling his name over and over. Each call felt like a needle piercing his heart.
Man Cheng held him, his voice hoarse: "Zhang Zhou... Zhang Zhou! I waited for you with all my heart, waited until I was going mad! But you came back and within days were leaving again! No matter how I cried or made scenes, nothing helped! Every time you said you'd be back in ten days, I'd count the days one by one. But ten days became another ten days, another ten days—how many times did you actually come back on time? You..."
"Man Cheng!" Zhang Zhou tremblingly cut him off: "I beg you, stop talking! I... I didn't know! Why didn't you tell me? I didn't know!"
Man Cheng said between sobs: "Zhang Zhou, I'm telling you now, aren't I?" The moment the words fell, he felt the arms around him loosen slightly. Man Cheng waited, but nothing came.
The military horn at the city tower sounded again. Man Cheng slowly sighed. He forcefully stopped his tears, pushed Zhang Zhou away, and walked toward the door. At the threshold, he turned to look back: "Zhang Zhou, ever since I was very, very small, I've had a deep-rooted sense of crisis. I was afraid that one day you'd不要 me. This sense of crisis has压得我一辈子都透不过气. I loved so painfully..."
"..."
"I don't resent you. Everything I did for you was of my own free will... because what you wanted, I simply couldn't give. So I could only compensate you in other ways... But I'm very tired. Do you know?"
"..."
Man Cheng gently pressed his eyebrows together, still holding the final sliver of hope, pleading: "Zhang Zhou, keep me. I don't want to leave."
Zhang Zhou's lips moved, not knowing how to respond to him, nor finding the courage to meet his eyes.
Man Cheng's eyebrows tightly knit together, but he couldn't take a step. He stood at the threshold, silently waiting for the person before him to change their mind. However, nothing came.
The last inch of sunset's light faded away. He turned his body around, loosening his tightly furrowed brows. There was a kind of inexplicable lightness.
This turn—life's ups and downs,沧海桑田, all become clear.
Those fleeting youthful days that seemed still within reach. Those lifelong vows of devotion. That unyielding following and keeping company—all turned to ashes.
The human heart is hard to keep.
A trace of释然 yet desolate smile appeared on his face. Finally, he left 耀极 Hall.
Deep darkness crept into 耀极 Hall. Inside the hall, no one lit the lamps for a long time. Peng Hong listened as the thundering horse hooves and the running footsteps of thousands gradually faded into the distance. After a long, long while, toward that desolate figure in the darkness, he sighed softly: "I always thought I was the most ruthless person in this world..."
That figure didn't move: "...What could I do? If I kept him, what would happen next? Is it really that 圆辽 cannot do without him..."
Peng Hong fell silent.
Zhang Zhou sighed heavily, murmuring: "I don't know what to do either. I just feel so useless. But reaching this point today—it wasn't I who abandoned him. It was the responsibility on my shoulders that abandoned him. It was this 圆辽 that abandoned him..."
Peng Hong's lips curved苦涩ly: "In this chaotic world, what's right or wrong about war? What meaning does political power in whose hands have? Wealth and glory are like dew on the grass. These words—they were spoken by Cheng Zhongshan."
In the darkness, the light in Zhang Zhou's eyes suddenly swirled with a虚幻不实 glow. He opened his mouth,吐出 two words like in a dream: "Man Cheng..."
The 威震 army had just passed through the呼门 when a rider from the city galloped up at full speed. The rider shouted: "General Xia! His Majesty orders you to return to the city immediately! General Xia—"
Man Cheng was startled. Zhong Shan frowned: "What is he playing at?"
The messenger arrived in an instant, urgently pleading: "General Xia! Please return to the city!"
A commotion stirred through 威震 army. Man Cheng coldly laughed, shouting loudly to the army: "Everyone, shut up!" 威震 army immediately fell silent. Man Cheng said indifferently to the messenger: "I'm not going back."
Man Cheng's eyes had been gently gazing at Zhong Shan. No matter how clever Zhong Shan was, he didn't understand the meaning of those words.