# Chapter 68: Remorse Hard to Contain
## Backstory
In Lei Xing County, west of Pingbei City, the streets emptied at night. At the far end of the dim, desolate road, a gambling den blazed with lights and noisy commotion.
The house dealer was in high spirits today, stepping in personally to show off his skills—not because this prey before him was particularly wealthy, but because this outsider had dazzled and amazed all the gamblers in Lei Xing County, drawing gasps of admiration.
"Small!" The dealer gleefully swept the small silver ingot from his opponent's side, smiling. "Young master, will you bet big this round?"
"No废话！" Man Cheng tossed out another piece of silver. "I don't believe you can keep rolling small."
Zhong Shan had long seen through the dealer's dozen-round scam, yet he stood leisurely with hands clasped behind Man Cheng, watching him bet his last silver ingot on big. He neither stopped him nor exposed the trick. In an instant, that final silver ingot also fell into the dealer's pocket. Man Cheng stared at the gambling table, then slammed Man Cheng's arm urgently. "Quick, fork over the money!"
"Fork over what? We've lost everything!"
Only then did Man Cheng turn to look at Zhong Shan, shocked. "You're broke?"
Zhong Shan nodded.
Across the table, the dealer sneered coldly, thinking: This dark-skinned fellow has remarkable presence, clearly a martial artist, but his build is average—he can't be anything special. He's probably just a bodyguard for this little beauty. Nothing to fear. As for who this little beauty belongs to... what a stunner, like a flower in full bloom. No woman in all of Lei Xing County can hold a candle to half his looks. Today I must kidnap him and enjoy myself thoroughly.
Man Cheng searched Zhong Shan but found nothing. However, he was in the heat of gambling—how could he possibly stop? His eyes darted about, and he quickly removed the sword from his waist.
Zhong Shan hastily stopped him, whispering, "Stop gambling. We'll come back tomorrow, okay?"
Man Cheng was in excellent spirits, grinning and coquettishly whining: "I'll go back once I've lost this pair of swords!"
Zhong Shan could only release his grip, shaking his head and laughing. "You're really... really... addicted to losing! You fool!"
Man Cheng threw the swords down, swept an imperious glance at the dealer, and declared: "Still betting big!"
The onlookers chattered endlessly, debating amongst themselves.
This black-hearted gambling den had the house dealer controlling every outcome—big or small, however he pleased. After another round, Man Cheng watched his pair of swords get collected by the dealer, frantically scratching his head and tugging at Zhong Shan. "Find something valuable, quick!"
Zhong Shan deliberately lifted his outer robe to display himself, saying, "Didn't you search me already?"
The dealer across the table suddenly spoke in a阴阳怪气 tone: "Both your robes are fine fabric too..."
Zhong Shan frowned, about to curse, when he saw Man Cheng smile nonchalantly. "The clothes work too? Sure, sure!" And he began unbuttoning.
In gambling dens, losing all one's clothes was perfectly normal. But the people of this small county rarely saw a handsome man like Man Cheng in a hundred years. Now hearing he was about to undress and gamble, they all excitedly stirred up a ruckus.
Zhong Shan was caught between laughter and tears. He quickly gripped Man Cheng's hand. "Stop fooling around. Didn't you say you'd go back once you lost those swords?"
Man Cheng put on a stubborn face. "Things I say never count!"
Zhong Shan had no choice. Ignoring Man Cheng's protests, he grabbed him and started walking. Man Cheng cursed the whole way being dragged several steps, but suddenly a wall of people appeared blocking their path, and the onlookers scattered in all directions. The dealer walked over,得意的洋洋地说: "This beauty doesn't want to leave after all!"
Man Cheng froze. The dealer actually reached out and stroked his face.
"Hahaha..." The one laughing was Zhong Shan.
His laughter completely bewildered the dealer and the circle of burly men, who exchanged glances.
Man Cheng didn't get angry—he laughed, cursing: "I'm being harassed and you still laugh? What's so funny!"
Zhong Shan struggled desperately to contain his laughter, pointing at the dealer. "This country bumpkin is something else! Actually daring to flirt with you, the great 混世大淫魔! Hahaha..."
The dealer, seeing these two people trapped in a dangerous situation yet still laughing and joking as if he didn't exist, felt fury rise within him. He waved at the big men, shouting: "Grab them!"
The well-trained thugs lunged forward. Zhong Shan pulled Man Cheng behind him, smiling easily. "Start thinking of an escape route, little beauty!" No sooner had he spoken than a thug grabbed Zhong Shan's collar. Zhong Shan pulled Man Cheng with one hand while his other hand shot out, gripping the man's wrist. Man Cheng stood behind Zhong Shan, smiling faintly, and said: "Congratulations, your right hand is finished."
The man, bewitched by Man Cheng's smile, lost all sense of where he was—then felt an excruciating pain shoot through his wrist. *Crack!* Zhong Shan applied a little force, and the man screamed continuously, rolling on the ground clutching his right wrist.
Everyone present was terrified. Yet Zhong Shan had already grabbed Man Cheng and started running.
The dealer finally came to his senses, grinding his teeth. "Chase them!" The thugs roared in pursuit. He hastily added: "Don't hurt that little beauty!"
Neither of them knew the terrain in Lei Xing County. With darkness and urgency, they couldn't find their way. They turned this way and that through alleyways, but ended up in a dead end. Hearing the pursuit voices grow closer, Man Cheng reached for his waist—then froze, asking aloud: "Where are my swords?"
Zhong Shan dryly laughed. Only then did Man Cheng realize the weapons had been lost in his gambling.
The pursuers arrived. Zhong Shan scrambled up the wall, reaching down to Man Cheng. "Come on up, little cutie!"
Man Cheng grabbed his hand and climbed up using feet and hands, then fled with him.
These locals knew the terrain. They immediately cut through other alleys to continue the chase. No matter how they ran, they couldn't shake these people! They turned into another quiet, desolate dead end. Seeing a dilapidated house on the left, completely empty, Man Cheng rushed in to hide—but Zhong Shan pulled him to a nondescript little haystack beside the house, pressed his head down and pushed him inside, then climbed in after him.
Outside the haystack, a rush of footsteps and shouting—they had clearly charged into the ruined house to search, shouting: "Not here!"
"They climbed the wall again. Hurry to the alley behind!" It was the dealer's voice.
The men answered in unison and ran elsewhere to hunt. Man Cheng was about to laugh when Zhong Shan covered his mouth with his hand. The commotion outside gradually faded. All was quiet, save for the sounds of two people's breathing and heartbeats.
Man Cheng pushed Zhong Shan's hand away,嗔怒 in a gentle voice: "What are we afraid of? Can this bunch of riffraff actually hurt us?"
Zhong Shan smiled apologetically. "I don't want them dying ignorant." He plucked straw from Man Cheng's hair one by one. "Besides, weren't you hiding quite happily!"
Man Cheng breathed lightly, his eyes dancing. "Speaking of which, hiding from people is much more fun than chasing them! Hehe... By the way, who was the 'great womanizing demon' you called me?"
In the dim, cramped haystack, the warmth from their running lingered. Zhong Shan suddenly gripped Man Cheng's wrist and said: "Who else could it be?" Then he pulled him close, lowered his face to brush his lips, and embraced him as they fell onto the dry, soft straw.
The two tangled and caressed each other. Zhong Shan suddenly asked: "Do you believe in the next life?"
Man Cheng nodded. Zhong Shan asked again: "Then what do you want to be in the next life?"
Man Cheng murmured: "I want to be a woman."
Zhong Shan let out a laugh. "Seriously?"
Man Cheng smiled. "Yes. Is that not allowed?" Seeing Zhong Shan laugh without answering, he turned the question back: "What about you? Don't copy me!"
"Of course I won't copy you!" Zhong Shan smirked wickedly. "You don't want to go visiting brothels anymore? I still can't bear to give up those girls!" Zhong Shan paused, then said softly: "But in the next life, if you're willing to marry me, I'll look only at you for my whole life."
The Man Cheng who had just been laughing suddenly grew somber. Zhong Shan immediately stopped speaking. He knew—Man Cheng wanted to be a powerless woman, not because of Zhong Shan.
Man Cheng sat alone, miserable and depressed. Then heard Zhong Shan speak meaningfully: "In the next life, I want to be Zhang Zhou."
Man Cheng knew what that meant, but still teased him falsely: "You want to be king? You don't need the next life—you could rebel right now." He managed to say this lightly, but couldn't suppress the surge of emotion. He called out: "Zhong Shan." Seeing his dejected expression, a wave of sorrow struck him. He fiercely embraced him and called again: "Zhong Shan!"
Zhong Shan answered, embraced him and kissed him repeatedly, pleading: "Man Cheng, I'm so tired of this endless killing! If you're willing, I'll hide from this life with you! Let's leave Yuan Liao!"
Man Cheng gently shook his head. "No... Ever since I can remember, he's been beside me. I can't imagine life without him. How would I survive?"
An overwhelming jealousy couldn't be contained. Zhong Shan asked激动地: "Why must it be him? Man Cheng, it's just habit! Aren't you happy with me? You've given him so much—what has he given you? Man Cheng! What you want, I can give you a hundred times, a thousand times! Man Cheng, I比他..."
Before he could finish, Man Cheng frantically covered his mouth. He froze—the words "love you" stuck in his throat, almost choking him with blood!
"Zhong Shan, what are you doing?" Man Cheng looked at him fearfully.
Zhong Shan immediately收起严肃认真,压制着悲伤, and put on a playful face—but didn't dare speak. He was afraid that once he opened his mouth, he wouldn't be able to stop the tears from falling.
When Man Cheng saw him stop talking, he relaxed, clinging to him again seeking affection.
Zhong Shan held Man Cheng tightly, disregarding the cramped haystack, their bodies intertwined in passionate, intoxicating union, their love pouring out endlessly. The more cramped the haystack, the better! If only this world were only this big—no one else, just us two...
Man Cheng, I love you! Yet even these words, I have no right to say.
Man Cheng savored Zhong Shan's passionate, surging tenderness, pretending not to notice his suddenly reddened eyes. He had already realized he had fallen for Zhong Shan, yet still lacked the courage to sever the pillar that held him up.
Behind him—familiar warmth.
On his neck—felt warm breath.
Man Cheng turned his head. That smile so close before him was so gentle—"You woke up?"
"Zhong Shan!" Man Cheng breathed a sigh of relief, turning his body to caress his face, tears in his eyes. "I had a nightmare."
"Nightmare?" Zhong Shan laughed, his tone tinged with mockery. "You have nightmares too? What about? Tell me."
"I dreamed you died."
Zhong Shan was stunned, then laughed bitterly. "You're terrible! As the saying goes, what you think about during the day haunts your dreams at night. What did I do to make you so angry? Actually wanting me dead."
"No no!" Man Cheng shook his head frantically. "How could I want you dead! Zhong Shan! Zhong Shan, I... I..."
"What are you trying to say? Don't hem and haw." As Zhong Shan spoke, he moved closer, threatening: "If you don't explain, I'm going to bite your face."
"I love you."
"You... what?"
"I love you!" Once these words were spoken, an immense relief washed over him. Man Cheng murmured: "Zhong Shan! I love you! I love you so, so much! I don't want Zhang Zhou anymore—just you! Only you! Let's leave Yuan Liao, let's go right now. For you, I'm willing to leave him. From now on you must love me well. And, Zhong Shan, I haven't heard you say you love me yet. Say it now! Say it now! I want to hear it right now..."
How much you love me, you don't need to say—I already know. But I want to hear it, so, so much!
When you heard me say I love you, what was your expression? Were you stunned into stillness? Or wild with joy? Did your eyes fill with warm tears, or were you speechless?
I want to see your adorable expression clearly! I want to remember it forever, to tease you about it!
But tears blurred my vision—how can I not see?
How can I not see?
Man Cheng's eyes snapped open. He reached beside him, searching, then froze in shock.
Zhong Shan!
Why... why aren't you here? Why aren't you here?
If I had let you finish speaking then, what would have happened? If I had kissed your tear-filled eyes then, gently comforting you, what would have happened? If I had agreed then, what would have happened?
Peng Hong walked to Man Cheng's tent. Si Hu hastily raised a hand to stop him, whispering: "General Xia is asleep."
Peng Hong nodded, standing outside the tent in a daze. Jin Lu asked: "We're raiding tonight. If Man Cheng isn't up to it, perhaps it's better he not go."
Si Hu remained silent.
Inside the tent, a low sob suddenly sounded, then turned into hoarse weeping—suppressing endless regret and sorrow, tearing at every heart outside the tent.
Si Hu's eyes reddened. He said quietly: "Your Highness, please go comfort him..."
Jin Lu said: "Besides Zhong Shan, who can possibly comfort him?"
"Everything will be better once we return to Yuan Liao." Peng Hong sighed heavily, turning to leave with hands clasped behind his back.
In that city of Yuan Liao, there was still one person who could comfort him, who could soothe his despair and grief.